I’m sure most people want to know why or how I’m even able to share my story. The answer is simple. I personally never wanted to share something like this…but God wanted me to. This blog was initially just a way for me to share my journey through infertility because it’s such a taboo topic, yet so many people suffer from it. I never thought that the events that have happened throughout the past 2.5 years would have been shared in a blog for everyone to read. I believe that I am here to be a voice for those that suffer with infertility, miscarriage, and grief in general. I’m here to say that you’re not alone. There are tons of people out here like you and although every situation is unique, we all share many similarities…and we’re all longing for better days.
A few things have happened since my last update. Actually, a lot has happened. I had the D&C on 12/29/15 and two days later, I started having really bad back pain that landed me in the ER. They couldn’t find anything so they sent me home with pain meds and muscle relaxers. I then followed up with my doctor a few days later and after he examined me, he told me that he saw a huge blood clot in my uterus and my uterus was still full. My options were to have another out patient D&C which would cost me around $2000 because it’s a brand new year and we have a deductible, co-insurance, and out-of-pocket max to meet or he could give me a “cocktail” that consisted of Valium and Demerol and perform the procedure in the office. I was scared out of my mind but we didn’t have $2000 laying around and we didn’t want to put it on a credit card so we agreed to the in office procedure. It wasn’t that bad but unfortunately, I’m still having the back pain and no one seems to know what it’s from (I ended up going back to the ER a few days ago) so I’ll be going to a spine specialist to see if they can figure it out.
Stanley and I aren’t sure when we’ll be ready to try again. This situation has been so difficult for the both of us that we’re terrified to even think of trying again. It’s so hard because most people just wait a couple of menstrual cycles and then they can “try again”. We have to factor in money and all sorts of things before we can even think about trying again. I think for now, we will just continue to enjoy the one “baby” we’ve been blessed with and most importantly, enjoy one another. God will tell us when it’s time to head in that direction again.
Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.
Psalm 30:5
Kristen D. Johnson
Oh my, I am so sorry you are going through this. I can’t even image the grief.
God is definitely preparing you for a great work. Your transparency and vulnerability will help so many.
He hasn’t forgotten you and keep holding on to him.
You are one of the strongest people I know ( truly a gift).
Thank you!!
Kristen
To Aunt Curly’s Kristen… My baby, I had no idea that you and my Stanley were going through this. My heart is saddened. However; I know, that I know that the God that we serve “Works all things together for our good”. His word never returns void but accomplishes that which it was sent to do. I’m sure you appreciate kind words and it helps with the pain. I also know that it doesn’t change the situation or erase the disappointment and sadness. GOD is able to do all things which includes granted you and Stanley the desires of you heart. WORDS are powerful. Therefore I choose to speak with boldness and confidence. I declare and decree in the matchless name of JESUS that you and Stanley will usher in this precious gift of “LIFE” a beautiful healthy baby this year. Glory to God, Hallelujah to Jesus! It is DONE! Love you my child! Love you more than you’ll ever know! Aunt Curly
“Correction”
“God is able to do all things which includes granting you and Stanley the desires of your hearts”