I try to make sure that I write in my journal daily along with reading my bible. The past couple of weeks have been so challenging for me that I’ve been having a hard time focusing and even when I do focus, I seem to write the same thing. My last couple of entries have said something along the lines of “Today has been one of those challenging days”. I’m finding myself questioning whether or not it was a good idea for me to not look for another corporate job and pursue being a doula full time. It’s hard not to think about that “what ifs”.
For example, if I had decided to find another job once my other job ended, we would have 2 options for insurance. We would also have more money to “play” with and the extra money could possibly be used for infertility treatments. Then I sit back and think to myself, none of this matters because I did what God told ME to do. I know that he told me to become a doula and I also know that he told me NOT to go back into corporate America. Unfortunately, my flesh is fighting against my obedience. I knew that this would happen. Whenever you’re doing what God tells you to do, you will face challenges. It’s the nature of it. I also know that these challenges will ultimately strengthen my faith.
I must remain steadfast in my faith journey. I will not give up. I will trust God. I will remain obedient, not matter how much it hurts my flesh. I will reap the benefits that are to come. I thank God for these challenges. I thank God for this season of development.
Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.
1 Corinthians 15:58
Kristen D. Johnson
