On this day 12 years ago, I found out that I was pregnant. I also found out within the next couple of hours that my grandmother had passed. I was very close to my grandmother and was absolutely devastated! This was a rough day to say the least! I know that if you’re reading this blog post and you’re going through infertility, you’re wondering how in the world could I possibly write that finding out that I was pregnant caused a rough day. Well during that time, I was 20 years, not married, not in a stable or healthy relationship and in college. This was not how I imagined my life and honestly, I felt like my life was over. It’s so hard typing all of this as I sit here and go through what I’m currently going through but this was my truth at the time.
There were a few people that tried to talk me into having an abortion. They said “you have so much to look forward to in life, why have a baby and mess that up?” Although I had no idea how I was going to take care of this baby or what my life would look like once I brought another human into the world, I knew that I could not get an abortion. Yes, during that time, I identified as a Christian but my life was so far from a “Christian life”…probably as far as it could possibly be. Needless to day, I decided not to have an abortion and I went through with the pregnancy. It was a very difficult time for me. My father was pretty upset and wasn’t really speaking to me, I had problems with my boyfriend and he would soon leave and go to the army so I went through the majority of the pregnancy on my own.
With all of that being said, I knew that this child was a gift from God. I didn’t know how everything would turn out, but I knew that this was a gift. I went on to have my baby, went through some very difficult times, but she was been one of the greatest gifts God could have given me. I am thankful for her and for the path that I endured. It made me who I am today. I would have never in a million years guessed that once I decided to have another baby, it wouldn’t happen as planned. I often find myself wondering, “how in the world do I accidentally become pregnant at 20 but now that I am 32, I am having the hardest time”? I don’t have the answer for that but what I do know is that God had a plan for me then and he still has a plan for me. I trust his plan despite how things may look. I have to trust him.
For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.
Jeremiah 29:11 (NLT)
“I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb.
Before you were born I set you apart
and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.”
Jeremiah 1:5 (NLT)
Kristen D. Johnson
