I have menstrual cycles that are pretty normal and are like clockwork. So naturally and variation will cause my mind to start wandering and then the symptom spotting begins. This month was one of those months where I REALLY convinced myself that I was pregnant. My cycle was not late at all but I started spotting later and when it didn’t come on the day that it was supposed to, I just KNEW that I was pregnant. Long story short, it came on the next day and I wasn’t pregnant. This has been yet another disappointing month for us.
Sometimes it feels like God is playing a prank on me. I know that sounds crazy but that’s how I feel sometimes…especially during times like this. I say to myself, “Since God is in control of everything, why would he do this”? Then I feel guilty for even feeling like that…but then I’m reminded that I’m human and I have feelings. Yes, God is in control of everything and there will be some things that happen that we won’t understand. Sometimes, we end up gaining understanding when the time is right and other times we may never truly understand the reasons that things happen the way that they do. The bible says this about God “The Lord is trustworthy in all he promises and faithful in all he does” (Psalm 145:13). For me, that means that the Lord always keeps his promises and does what He says. That knowledge in itself brings me comfort.
In due time things will happen the way that they are supposed to. We’ve prayed for our situation. We’ve prayed specific prayers for our health and becoming pregnant. I believe that he wants us to have more children…but in His time so these prayers will be answered at some point. 1 John 5: 14 says “This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us”. He hears our prayers and he will answer us one way or another. I just have to trust him and be patient.
Kristen D. Johnson
