I know I’ve addressed this before, but since this blog is about my feelings and my journey through infertility, I felt that I should bring it up again. I often find myself asking if I’m “doing everything right”? This is a question that has been bothering more lately than it usually would. No matter how often I say that “we’re trusting God’s timing, this is hard. I find myself wondering what did we do to deserve this. Then I am reminded that this journey is part of God’s plan. I know it is because He has told me in His word that He has a plan for me (Jeremiah 29:11) and obviously part of His plan is me not becoming pregnant right away. So this isn’t about me “doing everything right”. I can never do everything right because I’m human. I am made right through Christ. The reality of this journey is that God is in control.
Philippians 3:8-9 says “Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ 9 and become one with him. I no longer count on my own righteousness through obeying the law; rather, I become righteous through faith in Christ. For God’s way of making us right with himself depends on faith.”
Sometimes I wish I could see into the future. Have you ever felt like that? Sometimes I say “God, just show me what’s ahead and I’ll be okay on the journey. I just want to know what the outcome is going to be.” Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way. I must be able to trust in the unseen. Hebrews 11:1 says “Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.” This is the faith that God wants us all to have. I’ve read that verse over and over again and I’ve always understood it. It seemed simple to me…that was before I found myself walking through this journey of infertility. Now that same verse sometimes seems so difficult to abide by.
Kristen D. Johnson
