Not becoming pregnant as been a real challenge for my husband and I. We always “knew” that once we got to the point where we wanted to have more children, we would just make the decision to start trying and it would happen. That has been so far from the truth and some days we don’t know what to do. We take supplements, I track my cycle, analyze every single symptom, try all of these crazy methods I read about online (keeping my hips tilted after sex), but it still hasn’t happened. I’ve recently tried some other methods. I read in one of the million forums that I am a part of that using a lubricant called ‘pre-seed’ has resulted in positive pregnancy tests for some women because it mimics ones natural cervial mucus or something along those lines. I also started using soft cups which are menstrual cups. Apparently, some say that they help in keeping the sperm “closer to your cervix” especially if your issue is low sperm count. WHEW!! Sounds like a lot, right? It is a lot, but I know that I’m not alone in this journey. I know that there are tons of other women going through the same thing.
None of these “crazy” methods have worked thus far. Why? I’m not certain, but it’s probably because it’s just not time for me to become pregnant yet. That statement is so easy for me to sit on this laptop and type but there are days where I want to fall out on the floor and throw a temper tantrum. This is frustrating. Some days I feel like a failure as a woman and I know that this is far from the truth, but at times, these negative emotions are extremely hard to fight. This is when I must dive deeper into God’s Word. I MUST continue to read His Word so that I remember what He says about me and also what his promises are.
I know that infertility isn’t something that I’m going through alone but it’s something that many people don’t like to discuss. I’m assuming for reasons similar to what I just wrote. They feel like failures. They’re embarrassed about not being able to conceive. I agree that this topic is hard to talk about BUT…I think that it’s important to share with others so that they know they aren’t alone in this struggle. That is why I started this blog. So that others can read and follow my story. I pray that it helps ease the pain the others are feeling. I pray that they too learn to trust God during this time. I pray that if nothing else, this season will cause them to draw closer to God then the ever have before.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding
Proverbs 3:5 (NIV)
Kristen D. Johnson
