Don’t worry. That’s what I tell myself everyday. Well another cycle has begun…well, it actually started the other day. I’m still taking all of my supplements and I’m wondering if I should order some for my husband too. I don’t think it would hurt for him to take extra vitamins also. I’m aware that this entire situation is not in my control but I figured that I can at least do what I can to make sure we’re doing “our part” while waiting on God to do his part. I keep telling myself, “don’t worry, be happy” because I really have to much to be happy about. I’m healthy, I’m living, I have a great family…it’s just so much to be thankful for so I need to choose to focus on those things.
I know that this is all about God’s timing but I find myself wondering “what’s wrong with now”. I’m sure that this is one of the many questions that I may never have an answer to but it doesn’t mean I won’t think about it in the back of my mind. I’m starting to see so many pregnant people walking around. It feels like everyone is pregnant but me. I’ve even found out that a friend is pregnant but didn’t want to tell me because she felt “guilty” that she had become pregnant before me. I appreciate her thoughtfulness but I hate that she even felt that way. We all have our own paths to walk….our own journey and this is just a part of mine. It just makes for a better testimony, right? At least that’s what I try to tell myself.
I should be ovulating soon but in the meantime, I now have an appointment with a Reproductive Endocrinologist. I am so very nervous about this appointment. A part of me wants them to find something because if they find something, that means that they can fix it, right? Or at least there is more of a chance that they could fix something…I’m probably rambling now but these are just my thoughts. If they DO find something wrong, what will I do? I know a little bit about fertility treatments but not a ton. I’ve heard so many controversial views from Christians and even non-Christians about how people feel about and view IFV and the different methods of insemination. I guess we’ll cross that bridge if and when we get to it…I’ll let you all know how these appointments go. In the meantime, I will keep telling myself “Don’t worry”.
While I’m waiting, I will do my very best not to worry and I will meditate on this: Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7)
I can’t worry…that’s not God’s will for my life. He wants me to be at peace…so that’s what I have to do.
Kristen D. Johnson