Here we are…the beginning of a new cycle…menstrual cycle that is…
There are two sides to starting a new cycle; on one side, I am thankful to even HAVE menstrual cycles. I mean after all, there are many women who struggle with infertility and encounter an absence of their cycle which can mean tons of different things. Most of which aren’t great if you’re trying to become pregnant. So I thank God that my reproductive system ‘appears’ to be working just fine. The other side of this is that this is another month of a failed attempt. No matter how you try to sugar coat it, it feels like failure.
Some women would look at me like I was crazy to know that I’ve only been trying for 3 months and I’m complaining. However, I was always under the impression that when I wanted to get pregnant, I would simply make the decision, get off of birth control, and it would happen. So far it doesn’t seem to be that easy. Now I have all kinds of thoughts running through my head. Is there something wrong with me? Or perhaps my husband?
I became pregnant with my daughter when I was a 20 year old college student. I didn’t keep up with my cycle, never knew anything about when I ovulated, and my mind was FAR from motherhood….but it happened…when I least expected it to. Now I hear people saying “just stop thinking about it and it will happen” but that’s definitely easier said than done.
I keep reminding myself that God told me to be fruitful and multiply (Gen 1:28). I mean yeah, he wasn’t talking directly to me when he said it…he was talking to Adam and Eve. I do, however, believe that the scripture means the same for me. He wants me and my husband to procreate. This is my personal belief for myself and my husband. I truly believe that this is one of God’s desires for me. I also believe that he may have created this ‘journey’ that I’m walking to increase my faith. This means that I have to find joy in this journey. James 1:2-4 says “2 Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. 3 For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. 4 So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.”
No matter how difficult this journey feels, I must use this opportunity to increase my faith. I will find joy in this journey…one way or another…
Kristen Johnson
